I had an idea recently while tripping over myself to turn off Beyonce's ode to herself "Me, Myself and I" on my radio before it bored its way into my head like one of those ear crawlers from Star Trek II. Now I know I find her as tedious as the head cheerleader at a pep rally I didn't want to be at. But, technically, is she a good singer? And what about current favorites of mine - like Sheryl Crow, Lucinda Williams, or Norah Jones? Was it just me or would they pass muster with someone like Kevyn Lettau, who is not only the Chair of the Vocal Department at the LA Music Academy but also has eleven jazz albums to her credit and has toured the world and sung with the likes of Al Jarreau and Sergio Mendes. In other words, someone who really knows what she's talking about, someone who's an expert at the art and science of the vocal instrument. So I made a mix of songs from thirteen female singers who are either currently on the charts or known for their distinctive vocal stylings and played them for Kevyn. A couple surprised her, most disappointed her, and some flat out just gave her a headache. All of them confirmed that much more goes into making a successful recording career than simple vocal talent...or is it less? Here are a few of the fortunate. Kevyn Lettau's "Lucky 13":

John:

As a vocalist, I personally think Britney Spears looks great in a Catholic School Girl's uniform...or one of those "Is she wearing clothes or did they glue a bunch of rhinestones to her?" costume. Let's face it, she can't sing. And as evidenced by her recent appearance on a televised concert, oftentimes she doesn't — at least not in sync. But it doesn't seem to matter to millions of record buyers or concert goers. I chose "Everytime," a ballad on her current CD In The Zone.

Kevyn:

The first thing I feel is really manipulated. Like I'm watching a Disney movie or something. It's so over-produced you don't get a feel for who she is or what she's doing. And it's so processed - through AutoTune - to make everything just perfect. I'm sure she doesn't really sing that well if you put her in front of a microphone or without a microphone — just in here in the room with us. I doubt she would sing that in-tune. It seems to be a device that's used a lot these days to have singers sing really breathy. It's to make them sound innocent or sweet. Not the best thing to do for your voice.

John:

What do you say about a teenage British-born songstress with a soulful voice beyond her years and a predilection for old school R&B? If you're me, you say, "More please?" I chose the remake (and re-styling) of the the White Stripes song "Fell In Love With A Boy" from The Soul Sessions CD.

Kevyn:

This I like much more. I feel a lot more personality and individuality in her voice, which I like. But she's trying to sing a lot older than she is, and that's always a concern for me when I hear a voice that's young like that. The voice, the larynx, is the last set of muscles to fully mature. It doesn't happen completely until you're in your mid-to-late thirties. Therefore, when you're young — even in your twenties — you have to be careful how much "weight" you put on it, how much pressure you put on it because it's just not mature yet.

John:

I like Sheryl Crow. I am such a fan that I remember reading an article in Esquire where a starlet claimed that women didn't like guys who liked Sheryl Crow. I immediately started to see a lot of flaws in that actress that the air brushing couldn't hide any longer. I chose her cover of Rod Stewart's "The First Cut Is The Deepest" from her The Very Best of Sheryl Crow CD.

Kevyn:

That's really surprising to me. The funny thing about Sheryl Crow is that when I was singing in a little nightclub in the Valley twelve years ago, she was a cocktail waitress there. So she really is a go-getter, which is great. But she didn't sing like this. She sang much more open, the sound was much rounder, more full. This is really nasal and kind of twangy. She could do a lot more than that with her voice. It's disappointing to me to know that that is Sheryl Crow. Because she's a really good singer. She could challenge herself a lot more than that as an artist. She's a good technical singer, so she knows exactly what she's doing.

John:

I don't know of anyone who takes Jessica Simpson seriously as a singer. I couldn't name a song of hers if it was a question on a game show. One of her silly quotes from her Newlyweds show on MTV, sure. But I think I could name you an O.J. Simpson song before I could pull a Jessica Simpson song out of my...umm, hat. I chose her version of Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" from the In This Skin CD.

Kevyn:

So phony. I mean, does anybody talk like that? There are voice teachers in L.A. that teach this very forward production, which goes against what the voice naturally does. My dream here at the L.A. Music Academy is to create a generation of singers that learn to sing correctly, that can change what we hear on the radio. I know it's a big ambition - to get the public to want to hear something that's pretty and appreciate something that's natural - a natural voice - that's pretty and open - and not artificial and squeezed like this. It just sounds like it's being squeezed out of the front of the face and not taking advantage of what God gave us — which is resonance.
Oh, that just makes me pissed. You know, you get a good boob job and some hair extensions, and you start off with a relatively pretty face, a little liposuction and bang - there you go. It's trying to manipulate me. It's set up to seduce a man, piss off women, and make women want to be like that because they know men like that. And we wonder why our kids are messed up — why they're on anti-depressants and getting nose jobs and boob jobs at 15.

John:

I know what you're thinking. Joan Osborne? Hell yeah, Joan Osborne. Forget her mid-90's hit "One of Us." Or not. It doesn't matter to me, because I think she is one of the best interpreters of song we've got going for us right now, Billboard charts be damned. She's also a grown up, so the MTV TRL crowd probably thinks she someone's aunt or something. If they listened to her, they'd think she was that cool aunt who swore in front of them and got them into R-rated movies. I chose her cover of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love" from her Righteous Love CD.

Kevyn:

That sounds really alive. I believe her, you know? She has control over her instrument. There's something about it that draws me in because she's "singing." I like the way when she goes to the higher parts, she's actually using a different part of her voice instead of pushing up the quality of the lower voice, which is very common these days — to just shove it up there. She's actually switching and using another part of her instrument. Most people think that we have chest voice and head voice. We try to teach here that each note becomes its own register — just as on a guitar (for example) each note has its own position. As you go higher on a guitar, the string shortens and as you go higher with your voice the strings shorten and it becomes more of a wind instrument. Most people don't want to sing with the quality of the head voice, because it's considered weak or it's considered not hip or whatever, but she just did that. It's not all perfect, you know. I like that. I like that she's using different parts of her voice and that the voice is really featured, it's not hiding behind some big vocal parade. And just as you can hear that there's a quality when a voice has been autotuned too much — you hear it with Cher a lot, the voice has this shimmery quality — you don't have that here.

John:

I have to admit that until recently, I wasn't very familiar with Mandy Moore's music. But then again, I am male and over the age of twelve. But then she released her Coverage album, which is an ambitious set of covers from the likes of Joe Jackson, Joan Armatrading, Carole King, and John Hiatt. I mean, talk about growing up fast. I like it, and I'm not afraid to say that in mixed company. That is, around anyone older than twelve. I chose her version of Sir Elton's "Mona Lisas And Mad Hatters."

Kevyn:

For one thing, this is like a real song. There is an edgy, forwardness in the voice that takes the prettiness out of it. I prefer to include some resonance with that edginess. There's also nothing really unique about the voice. This is a little more formula. She knows what she's doing. She's playing it really safe. She's very precise. They probably tuned the bananas out of it. I like that she used a different texture at the end. It's a little bit softer, so it wasn't like "balls to the walls" the whole time.

John:

Never has a female singer more brazenly walked the virgin/ seductress tightrope like Beyonce'. She would really like you to believe that somehow despite her ever shrinking wardrobe, worst-kept secret relationship with rapper Jay-Z, and videos that have her (among other things) one-upping the wet t-shirt concept by having her lounging in a giant martini glass that she is as pure as a preacher's daughter. She might as well sell us on the existence of Weapons of Mass Destruction while she's at it. And truthfully, all of this would be fine with me if she could only figure out how to record a song that had both a melody and a chorus. I chose (of course) "Naughty Girl" from her Dangerously In Love CD.

Kevyn:

One thing to point out is what's going on with the background vocals. If someone is a really good singer, they depend on background vocals a lot less. Generally speaking. Chaka Khan tends to have a lot of background singers, but they're singing opposite her because she can blow the house down with that voice of hers. She doesn't need the backup while she's singing. But here — it sounds like there's a whole army of them. She's got that Middle Eastern scale going, which is supposed to make it more interesting, I guess. You just don't hear anyone sing simple anymore. I've always said that I'd love to hear Mariah Carey sing with bronchitis to hear her really sing. It's like she's trying to show us, "Okay, I can sing high." You know? "But I can't do it and make it sound okay without all of this other stuff around me." Again, she's another one with that breathiness. And there's a danger of only being able to sing with that breathy quality.

John:

When God created the Yin and Yang of teeny bopper blondes, he said, "Britney, you will dress like a showgirl and eventually go to Vegas and prosper. Christina, you will be able to sing." Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on you look at it, Christina frequently wanted to dress like someone who wouldn't be allowed in Vegas. But she could still sing. At least that's always been the accepted opinion. I chose the ultimate example of a singer's "look at me sing" ballads "Beautiful" from her Stripped CD.

Kevyn:

You know, she had to cancel a tour due to vocal problems. She's still young too, so either she's using this breathiness, which we've heard a lot of, or she's too heavy and too loud for what her soprano voice can handle. It's that bronchitis thing again. She's got a beautiful voice without all of the acrobatics going on. It's angry. I mean, maybe it fits with the lyrics, but you don't have to sing like that. I feel like she's shouting at me. It's annoying. There are certain singers in rock — Janis Joplin can shout at me all she wants — there are some people who can do that. Janis was an original, she could do that. Or you go back to Bessie Smith, who was a huge influence on Janis Joplin. Bessie Smith started that style. But when I listen to someone like Aretha Franklin, I can listen to her forever because she's not grabbing you by the throat and saying, "Listen to me!" Which is what I get from this kind of stuff. It's exhausting. I've been watching American Idol very closely, and it was exhausting. These young girls screaming at me. Not singing, but screaming.

John:

Mary J. Blige is the one thing (other than making money) that Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P. Diddy got right. She's authentic. Came from more crap than you can imagine. Struggled. And not whiny, pop star "I had too much given to me, and I don't know how to handle it" struggle. So when she sings you believe her and give the woman her due. And she keeps going. If I may paraphrase A Few Good Men, "You want some soul? You think you deserve some soul? You can't handle Mary J. Blige's soul." Oh, but you can listen to it. I chose "He Think I Don't Know" from her No More Drama CD.

Kevyn:

The key is too low. She's straining on the low notes and it's hard to understand the lyrics. It's a whole step too low. There's a whole class of female singers these days who want to sound like men, that just keep going lower and lower and lower. And men who want to keep singing higher and higher and higher and want to sound like women. She's kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel with this. You can get the feel you want without having to sing at the very bottom of your range. I also have to say, where is the song? But I don't think she's over-singing it as much as a lot of the other ones. I don't think she's that great of a singer. Part of that is she's trying to create a mood.

John:

Oh boy, another of my favorites. Now while I'm the first to admit that she doesn't have the pretty little girl voice, Lucinda Williams speaks to me. She speaks to me not like those voices that speak to crazy people, but like an artist who can clearly convey the pain that life has bestowed and the insight it's given her. Yes, much of that is because she writes her own material, but it's also through her voice. It's unvarnished, it's heartbreaking, and it stays with you. I chose the song "Righteously" from her World Without Tears CD.

Kevyn:

What do you want to bet that she doesn't talk like that? Very artificial. A lot of singers take on an accent, thinking it should be different than the way they talk, not realizing that if they sing the way they talk it's already going to be unique. This is popular? She mentions playing John Coltrane in the lyrics — I like that. And she's playing guitar too, so that changes it a little bit. She doesn't have to be that good of a singer, because she wrote it and is playing guitar. So I'd give her a bit of a break.

John:

Avril Lavigne is just mad. She's also teeny tiny. A sassy little Canadian singer/songwriter lashing out at lame teeny bopper singers and dumb boys and posers, she's like a musical red ant. And I think she's great. I'd be happy to see a generation of girls following her neck tie and tank top with wrist bands ensemble lead. Better that than aiming for that first annulled "Little Chapel of Elvis" wedding in Vegas the Britney Spears crew have to look forward to. At least we can be sure Avril's Army will learn how to read while they're writing poem after angst-ridden poem. I chose her angry little ode to abstinence "Don't Tell Me" from her Under My Skin CD.

Kevyn:

Another young one. You can hear the youth in her voice, so the voice is still forgiving. So she can abuse it a little bit like that, and it will bounce back like a rubber band. Technically, you keep singing like that for ten years and you'll be in trouble. If you listen to Joni Mitchell when she was young — how pure and beautiful her voice was. She didn't keep that youth in her voice. And believe me, Joni Mitchell was my idol, but she chose not to preserve the youthful part of her voice. In some ways it ends up giving you a different color, which can be cool, but in other ways it can be limiting because your keys constantly have to change. I kind of like it. I don't mind aggressiveness. But there's a way to do it and not have it be shouting at me or shoved down my throat.

John:

Alicia Keys is one of a couple new young female singers who might as well be handcuffed to their pianos — such is the identification with their music and the instrument they play. Now, I know Alicia Keys has a new CD out, but I haven't heard anything on it that had a pulse, so I chose her big hit "Fallin'" from the Songs In A Minor CD.

Kevyn:

Why? Why? She's gonna have so many problems with her voice if she doesn't change the way she sings. The combination of the shouting with the breathiness is the worst. It is possible to keep your voice youthful for many, many years. But it's the latest group of muscles to develop and can be the earliest group of muscles to deteriorate if abused because it's so delicate. If things were equal, we'd all have the neck of a giraffe to accommodate every register. The instrument doesn't get tired for the piano player. You hit the middle C on the piano expecting to hear the middle C. You don't bang on the middle C trying to hear the G above it. And that's what we do with our voices. Which is why the youth can go out of our voice at a much younger age.

John:

Here's the thing with me and Norah Jones. I heard her on KCRW months and months before she broke nationwide and rode the crest of "something new" to millions of records sold and umpteen Grammys. Everyone had to jump on the bandwagon. It was almost enough to take the fun out of being in that first group to discover her in the first place. Almost. Because in the end there is Norah and her piano. And fortunately (for me at least) there will be a lot more music coming from both. I chose "Sunrise" off her sophomore release Feels Like Home.

Kevyn:

The breathiness thing again, but at least she's using some youth in her voice. This is a whole other thing - this whole group of female singers who can play a little piano, because she's not really a good pianist, you know? The problem I have with Norah Jones is that there's just no challenge there for me as the listener. There's nothing to draw me in. But you know, it's about being in the right place at the right time. Record companies can market anything. I could market that cardboard box over there if you give me enough money. I think that's what happens with everyone you have played for me today. If you are lucky enough to get on that treadmill, you know? Again with that breathiness — can you actually sing that louder without shouting it? Singers need to have a lot of paint brushes. Sometimes it's appropriate, but how do you take that breathiness to the stage and be heard over the band? You have to trust your sound mixer — a lot.

So — there you have it. Obviously, what keeps us listening to a song or a singer on the radio, or what inspires us to buy their records, is rarely limited to who has the prettiest or perfect voice. It can be their personality, their interpretation, the marketing, or all of the above.